My Cousin Erin and her baby, Sarah.

My cousin Erin had her baby, Sarah a couple days ago (May 22) and unfortunately, due to complications from Trisomy 18, she died May 24, 2009. Erin knew that Sarah was fraught with problems. Around 3 months there were already big issues with even bigger ones to come. I dont think I could have/would have been able to carry such a child to term, knowing that upon birth, if she made it that far, she would die, immediately or soon after. Perhaps that is heartless. I dont know, but I dont think I could go through a pregnancy while planning a funeral, getting bigger and having people ask when I am due, to know that the chances of me bringing home a baby are almost null. She is a strong woman, that cousin of mine.

In other news, my other cousin (I only really have two), Jon, has three kids: Kyle, Trevor, and Carly. Kyle is 15 and was hurt in a 4-wheeler accident last week. He was not wearing a helmet and flipped over his bike, causing a brain hemorrhage. He didnt break anything else, but the swelling in the brain and the bleeding was fairly severe. At first he wasnt sure who he was or who his family was. They still arent totally sure what the level of his brain damage will be. I tell you! What a week my Aunt Carolee and Uncle Harvey's kids have had!

Vegas Trip 2: The Reprive

So, I must return to Vegas this summer...Must as in Bette is calling and I need to see her again. This time I am "dragging" my little brother, my best buddy Jody and my colleague Jackie. We are staying at Caesar's Palace and I got the rooms for $90 a night! I am truly a bargain shopper. Jackie is a pro at Vegas and usually travels with her husband, I just hope she tones down the money aspect as I know her husband David and he likes to spend! Jody loves to do whatever, and I just hope Eric doesn't wake up too flipping early. I think I am going to surprise Eric with a fishing lesson and golf one morning. They give free fishing lessons at the Bass Pro Shop in Vegas and there are some beautiful golf courses. I downloaded a coupon for free club rental and breakfast at one that looks gorgeous. We will fly out the 21st of June and back on the 25th. I hope to see Bette twice. I hope someone will go with me at least one time. Jody will, she is fabulous like that. Last time I didn't research anything, but this time, we will have a full schedule. With Eric coming, that is a must.

Tomorrow is the first official day "off," but of course I will do some writing and reading. Still, I have to take my neighbors cat at 8am to get spayed (she is 80 and doesnt have a car), meet Jackie back at my house at 9, then a doctor's appointment at 11. Then, the reading and writing I was talking about. I must get ready to work with the girls on a blog article and I need to hit the bookclub paper reviews again.

The Space Shuttle and the Sun: Coolest Picture Ever!

Austin for a day...

I went to Austin yesterday for a UT student's proposal defense. She wants to do a study similar to the one I did in 2003 only with Korean preservice teachers and Korean kiddoes. It is a good thing I am finally getting something from that wonderful data published. It is coming out soon in the journal Teacher and Teacher Education. Now, if I would just work on my dissertation article!

After the proposal defense, Diane and I worked on the revisions for the bookclub paper a solid 2 hours and then headed to dinner. I was reluctant to go to the place she wanted to go to because a) She thought it was expensive, and b) Expensive means little portions and snobby people. But, I was wrong. It is housed in a former haughty restaurant's old haunt (Remember Zoot?) and is just off Lake Austin Blvd. Because Zoot was so expensive (I'd never been), I figured Fabi and Rosi would be as well. I was wrong. It is definitely on my new favorite restaurant list. The inside of the restaurant is black and white and gray, very European feeling with old furniture recovered in black and white stripes and new white leather benches, mirrored old cabinets and antique mirrors. I just loved it. The food not only tasted amazing (I had the Vegetarian Shepard's Pie and Diane the most amazing porkchop and mushrooms), but was filling. Wine was fantastic (I had the rose, Diane a chardonnay). We were there talking and eating for a good 2 hours. It was dark by the time I got to Loretta's. Of course, the dogs were fed and walked. She is the best babysitter. You drop off your kids and everything they need is provided on time and free of charge. I wish my aunt was even half as good! Mine doesnt even send a card for my birthday! Loretta and I were up talking and watching TV until 1am at which time I had been drifting in and out of consciousness, but insisting to Loretta, "No, Im not sleeping." I must admit, I was and I knew I was. This morning Loretta was up at 6 getting ready for a conference she was helping host and thus, I as up. So, I picked up, got ready and convinced Diane to meet me at Sweetish Hill for schnecken and coffee. She did and after a bit, the girls and I headed back to San Antonio to work on a professional development co-teaching piece which we (Jackie and I) want to finish this summer. The summer writing list is nuts.
1. Finish Bookclub piece
2. Dissertation piece
3. Coteaching as Professional Development piece (Jackie is first author)
4. Blog piece (Shelley is first author)
All of that in addition to teaching 4 classes. Woosh!

Manufactured Sentiment: a.k.a Holidays

Holidays are stupid. If you see a present that reminds you of a person and you want to buy it (and can afford it), then do. Holidays shouldn't be about calling, or flowering, or presenting, or other sundry proof that someone is thought of, loved, and/or admired. Instead, try telling them each day: Not Valentine's, or Mother's or even Christmas, but today. I think holidays are all bullshit. The only thing holidays are good for is days off and if they come on a Sunday, who cares! They make people who don't get presents feel bad and question their lives, and those that do get presents, worry all day if the person(s) will remember. Wouldn't it be nicer to call just because? To present someone, just because? To thank someone for being a wonderful addition to your life, just because? I am boycotting all holidays until further notice...until there is a single person holiday wherein others celebrate your keen intellect for not marrying the wrong person, or your panache at doing it all by yourself. Fuck holidays. They are traps for money, fake sentiment and guilt. Holidays are attempts to manufacture sentiment. Or is it just me?

Baby Zoey Louise

Doesn't this look like one of those new baby phots with the blanket draped over the head?

Interview by a former 4th grade student, now a SENIOR

Hi Miss Wilson, I wanted to give you a copy of the typed version of the interview you gave over the phone a week or so ago. Thanks for helping. You were a wonderful, fun, and happy teacher. Many of us still, after all these years, talk about 4th grade in Miss Wilson's class. Remember the boat in the middle of the classroom and you kept sticking those dots on us to show the mosquito bites? I do. Congrats on the new job.
Kelsey

Which five words best describe you?
Bawdy, Tenderhearted, Thoughtful, Funny, Loyal


What was your first job and what path have you taken since then?
My first job was babysitting. I was about 12 when I began sitting for an amazing couple who lived down the street. I remember how much I loved it: being out of my house and “in charge.” I got to make sure the babies were safe but that they had a good time. I was to show them what I knew and in turn, I learned about all sorts of things like breast milk and formula, bedtime routines, bath time, hair washes, braiding, and the joy of children. I learned they love you completely without abandon and you in turn, love them back. I found heaven in their sleeping bodies, limp in my arms, against my chest. I knew I didn’t want another job if it meant no children. From then on I worked as a nanny (8am-6pm, 5 days a week) and as both a paper person and childcare aide at Faith Home (a place for children with HIV and AIDS). I have never had a job outside of working with children. I then was a 7th and 8th grade developmental reading teacher in Austin, then a 4th grade teacher in DeSoto. Leaving for Austin, I took at job as a supervisor of student teachers with UT and did that for the next 6 years as well as taught classes out in schools for both preservice teachers and elementary aged kids. I then went back and taught 4th grade for a year, collected data for a dissertation, and graduated with my PhD in KIDS/teaching which allowed me my current job, assistant professor of literacy studies at Texas A&M-San Antonio.

What’s your proudest achievement?
Graduating with my PhD. Those days before and after were simply divine.

What’s been your best decision?
To keep moving forward. To not be afraid.

Who inspires you?
People with a cause inspire me. When they are passionate about what they are doing, the drive and the ambition cannot help but pass on. We need more people to be passionate about something. Spiritually, my dogs inspire me. They just seem to forgive and be joyful again. Plus, they think I am a rock star. Traveling inspires me. It opens me, my mind, my heart, my thoughts, my will. It provides a venue away from one’s own that forces one to be and utilize differently.

What’s the best lesson you’ve learned? Everyone feels that they are not good enough & that we each choose the paths our lives take.

Which person, living or dead, would you most like to meet? Bette Midler

What dream do you still want to fulfill? I want t write a book, a wonderful book.

What are 3 goals you stand to achieve this year? Making a compost bin, graduating my first literacy and language graduate student, and writing a dissertation article.
What are you reading? The Most of P.G. Wodehouse by P.G. Wodehouse and She’s Come Undone by Wally Lamb plus serious things like student’s papers and People Magazine.


What would you say is the most disappointing thing you have learned about life? That there are no "take backs."


What would you say is the best part of being a teacher?Students like you. You make the difference in my life too. You all change me, change my soul, my thoughts and my life.

I want to feel full!

I have come to the conclusion that there is very little teaching in my job, especially when compared to all of the other responsibilities. I just used the word responsibilities, but what I actually wanted to call it was junk. So, I am wondering what percent of my day is spent on tasks not in alignment with my goal of excellence in teaching, but are in alignment with my j-o-b.
THINGS I DID TODAY
1. Read and answered 12 emails.
2. 11:00am-phone interview for new reading position.
3. 11:30 Spoke with student about the summer
4. 11:45 spoke with colleague about the job and the posting for the job
5. Called one reference for the candidate
6. 12:30 Graded 3 Books
7. 1:00 Worked on 4304 Final Exam
8. Answered 3 calls from Kingsville people
9. 2-3:30 gave the exam
10. 3:35 Returned to a student waiting. Talked to her about her MEd project.
11. 4:00 another MEd student chat as per project needs
12. 4:30 Undergraduate came to show me her project because she wasnt in class last week
13. 5:00 Attempt 2 more reference calls to no avail
14. 5:10 Align each rubric with each book and paperclip together. Place in giant tub.
15. 6:00 Head home
16. Cook Rice-a-Roni and chicken while playing outside with the doggies
17. Ate and talked on phone while on the back porch.
18. Walked both doggies.
19. 8:00 Began grading 4330 Implementation Studies
20. 9:00 Began grading blogging activities for 5314
21. 11:00 Completed reading blogs and adding grades

I want to get back to the feeling of elation, fullness, complete that comes after being in FLOW during teaching. It has been a long time since I have felt that my best was shown. I must find a way to balance better.

Woofstock 2009: The Weekend of The Schnoo

I headed to Austin on Friday to congratulate a dear friend, Dr. Beth, who defended her dissertation victoriously and had drinks at Cafe Serranos on Symphony Square. I have known Beth since the dawn of my graduate school years. We have written together, worked together, and befriended together. She is an amazing person and I am so proud of her. Graduation with my PhD was the absolute proudest times of my life. I was glazed with a clear veneer of happy.

Saturday was Woofstock at Waterloo Park in Austin. Such a fun idea to have a carnival of sorts for doggies. Zoey loved it. She smelled everything, said hi to everyone, and ate every morsel she could find including, a doggie cupcake, several milk bones, sundry yummies, banana snow cone and even 2 doses of Heartguard. Schnungry Schnoo.

I spent the evening working with Diane on a paper that probably will never get done. But, I guess I deserve props for attempting once again to get started. We had dinner at Sushi Nichi and because it had been such a long time since I had sushi-ed, I over ordered and Diane had a lunch the next day. I love it so much. After, Diane and I went to Anthropologie to get a dress for her niece's birthday. You know, sometimes I feel sad that my whole family is semi estranged from each other. No one gives gifts or even acknowledgments much for any sort of extended family. My aunt sent me a card when I was 18 saying she would no longer be sending a birthday present. I was too old. Sad huh? Then seeing the fun time Diane had picking out a wonderful gift for her niece made me feel dissed somehow. Family is supposed to be tight. My relationship with my little brother and grandparents is tight, but with everyone else? not so sure if they even like me.

Sunday was the Dog Run. Aunt Wretta took Zoey to her first dog friendly race. It was a 5K run benefiting doggie shelters. So, Zoey was up at 6 and ready to go. Loretta tried to wait till the last minute to announce, "Zoey, wanna go on a run, run?" but ultimately it was too late because once Loretta was merely holding the shoes, she knew it was time and kept biting, nipping, and growling at Aunt Wretta to get her to hurry up! I met up with them on mile one to take some pictures as they ran. So cute. Literally Zoey looked thrilled, smiles and no time for real pictures. She needed to keep going! She ran the whole three miles with no problems. I swear she was a Kenyan long distance runner in a past life.

After breakfast at Austin Java (schnausages for Zoey, pancakes for me, and migas for Loretta) I headed home to San Antonio to create the final exam for the content area class.

The Remarkable Rene Descartes

I have decided that we are all Susan Boyle. Fat or thin, pretty or plain, butch or feminine, old or young, abled or not: people will judge us and find us wanting, lacking. Heck, we might find ourselves wanting and lacking. We can posture all we want, out of genuine confidence or bravado; we can insist that the ideals are wrong, that the goalposts need to be moved, that as rational humans can shake off the shackles of cultural expectations; that we must accept everyone and know that they too are doing the best they can. We can talk big and wiggle our hips — for some people, that’ll just make us more of a joke. I've decided that what makes people stop laughing — or at least, what makes us stop caring if they do, is our personal discovery that something about us is utterly remarkable.

And I wonder...what makes me remarkable? How come those dear to me will say "How can you say that? You are so remarkable because of _______,________ and even _____!" But, for me to be able to say in earnest what makes me remarkable is a lot more difficult. You see, I am Susan Boyle judged and yet loved. I yearn to make those who snicker see my prowess, my remarkableness. But, aye, there's the rub. It doesn't exist if it isn't in my heart too. Everything we are and know comes through our own personal filter. There is no knowing without the personal filtration. As Descartes said, "Cogito, ergo sum" or "I think, therefore I am." Dare we now judge his picture?