What is lazy?

Im not lazy. I tell myself that. I mean, I work everyday...okay, almost every day. Still, as soon as I sit down, as soon as I refuse to do something that I should be doing, I feel lazy. How can people work and move around constantly? Is my drive really that much lower than everyone else's? So, what is lazy? Is it okay to be lazy and if so, do I need to schedule it? If I schedule it, is it lazy? I think I have the "I don't want to" blues. I want to sit and eat goldfish crackers. I don't want to write articles, grade papers, water the lawn, walk the dog, furminate the cat, eat healthy, workout, make syllabi, or be helpful. That is lazy, right?

This thing called a "research agenda."

Oh yes, I have an agenda...and I am damn sure that there is research in it. You know, which ice cream is the best, how to get the Sonic vanilla coke on the way to work. But, I must confess that lately (okay all year) it is not the research agenda that I had percolating in my mind this time last year. Oh, the grandness of my dissertation and its ideas! And there they lie, buried in a mess of new house, new job, commuting, sleeping, and watering the fucking lawn. We began a writer's group of late and I am in charge (how ironic is that!). It is mostly for Jackie (my reading colleague) and I to set a time to write together but two others have semi joined. Now I find myself doing work for others and not on my own. It always seems that I am more able to help someone else than myself. I am glad I wasnt on the Titanic because I know I would have let everyone else get n the boats, maybe even helped them step in. I must write, I have ideas, and damn it I am smart enough. So why the stoppage and how the hell do I move past it? When one is a 4th grader with writer's block, I can help. At 33 with writer's block, it is tougher.