The Latest Pictures of THE GIRLS

Learning about Learning...

So, for teachers learning is our aim. It is the epitome of a teacher's work, her lifelong pursuit. Yet, when it comes to us, when it comes to the teacher having to learn, it is a gray and scary thing. She doesn't want to not know something, unless she decides she is okay with it. For example, if a child says to her, "Miss, did you know that there are dolphins in the rain forest?" In this scenario most teachers will have no issue admitting they didn't know that. But tell a teacher she was wrong, that she didn't notice something, that what they did wasn't the level expected or that this is a learning experience and reactions include, "Oh, hell no. That woman is nuts!" or "It was impossible to tell what she wanted." Teachers have a special way of wanting to be right, to know the answers, to be in charge.

Even as I say that, I know that I am the same way. It is hard to think of something as a leaning experience when it feels bad. I remember a professor of mine in my doctorate study gave me back a paper that was bloody. I mean, it was bleeding. I had worked hard on it. I remember thinking first, "This lady didn't tell me what she wanted," then, "I must not be good enough to be in graduate school," then, "She is hard, nuts, and has fangs." Eventually, I figured out that maybe I was supposed to rewrite and rethink to learn...that it wasn't just about editing, that it was about editing my thinking. Specifically, it was about editing the way I thought about final copies, about completion, and thinking.

My undergraduate students got that this semester, not without struggle or without anger, but they have talked openly about the test I gave in which they could pick any letter (a-e) or all letters or a combination of letters. I said, "take the test like a critical thinking activity, a place to learn." It was too funny to talk about it later. They hated it at the time, but in the end respected the task saying things like, "I never thought about things so carefully during a test," and, "I never was so mad before that I couldn't just memorize it." But, the Master's students still struggle with the idea of learning while being graded...that they have another shot, that someone is behind them and wants them to do well and show what they know and that a grade is just a representation of momentary learning. Tomorrow their grade might be different. I think all of us that feel a sense of efficacy, of expertness, have that. Still, it seems that redoing assignments for teachers means that there is something WRONG with the professor/principal/OTHER, yet we want our students to redo to show new depth of learning. Boy, do we as teachers have a lot to learn from the very practices we expect, teach, and commend!

There is this person

whom has multiple exceptionalities, including a cognitive processing issue, who struggles to read above a 6th grade level, and for whom has been in the last 2 years of college for 8 years. Professor after professor passed him on through the courses...until, I didn't. He failed my class, took it again with another professor and passed. He got an incomplete in another class with me (because I felt bad for him and trusted his pleas for extended time), for which nothing materialized. As of May, it has been one year. Another professor came to me explaining that "all he wants is to graduate..." and that he, "understands he won't be a teacher, he just wants the degree" and implied that he deserved to because of his extended tenure with us. So, my question to you all out there is, "Does differentiation of instruction inevitably lead to lowered expectations?" I know it shouldn't, I have modified his assignments and tests to oral renditions and extended time (for example), but he still does not have the words, the knowledge. So, where does differentiation end and ultimately, is school really to insure "all students succeed?"

Happy Earth Day!

I brought home the recycling from school today. I figured in honor of our rented Earth I would take the three boxes of recycling I have collected home for my curbside recycling. There is NO recycling at my university, no blue, green, or gray buckets and our shredded paper is put into plastic bags! What is that about? No good Austinite...oh yeah, this is San Antonio. The city wherein I ordered my city recycling receptacle, put it out the first week, and my neighbor said to me, "You know, they have trashcans that are bigger than that, even at the Dollar Store. You should get one. You're never going to have enough room for the trash!" I don't have much trash. It is picked up 2X a week and I have, on average, one white recyclable bag a week. The recycle is always full.

I started taking no plastic bags while shopping (it is funny to see me walking out of Macy's with the clothing draped across my arm. I recycle all items numbered 1-7, any bags or wrap that is plastic, all aluminum or metal, glass etc and take a bag of clothes to Goodwill every couple months. I use only LED bulbs an the outlets in my house allow you to disconnect power when the item is not in use, so they are always off when not in use. My water heater is set to 100 degrees and is insulated with a blanket. I only wash laundry in cold and I line dry most items. I water only once every other week at 3am. I keep my house at 80 in the summer and 64 in the winter. I use biodegradable doggie bags and use foil when at restaurants.

My vow for Earth Day 2009:
1. I now know how to recycle Sonic cups so my Diet Vanilla Coke habit I have developed is okay as of today. Before looking it up, I threw them away and limited myself to one a week. Hold on DVCA (Diet Vanilla Coke Anonymous), I am now going to be needing your services!

2. I will plant a plant (roses perhaps?) this weekend and add mulch to my current plants to help with watering.


4. I will buy an ecological lawnmower. Did you all know that 30 minutes of running a regular lawnmower is the equivalent of driving 110 miles! Plus, (Loretta)I have a $40 off coupon for one!

5. I will use ONLY biodegradable bags in the major trash too, and will bag the lawn with only brown bags.

6. If I go into work on Friday, I will take the bus, walk, catch a ride, or bike. Boy, that is going to be hard!

If you out there in cyber world can think of other doable ways to help me go green, let me know!

Nobody knows...

the troubles I've seen...nobody knows my sorrow...

I went back to the doctor today to check on the Staph and the rash that still is in existence on my neck. The rash is also around the ouchies on my feet. In other words, although better, the Staph is still there and the ouchies are still...well...ouchie. Another $100 dollars and she literally told me, "I don't have anything else to give you. You need to go see a specialist." I wanted to scream. They pass me from one to another and nothing works. I will go see another and they will tell me to use cream and pat dry after a lukewarm shower. I've gotten that since I was 8. I'm so frustrated. There should be a return policy for medicines that don't work and cost you $100, and for the REVISITS that cost you $75 each time. When anyone else doesn't perform a service correctly, they do it again for free. How come doctors don't? I have more medication, more cream, and more problems. The cortisone that they have been giving me, both orally and topically, is not made for long term use and causes issues with blood pressure and the liver. So, for the first time in my life, thanks to the cortisone, have a systolic blood pressure of 181. The diastolic is okay, which I guess is the one we "worry about," but I am to be careful for the nest two weeks. She recommended I stay off my feet. Yeah, right. Im off to a softball game.

The American Research Association Conference in San Diego

Another trip out to California (this time San Diego) to attend AERA. I flew from Austin because Aunt Loretta is there and can keep both puppers. The plane was delayed an hour there and then 2 in Phoenix. The Phoenix wait wasnt as bad though as Jackie had flown from San Antonio and met me there for the second leg of the trip. I enjoy her more the longer I know her. She is up for things and outgoing, once you get her out of the work place. So, nothing much to report in regards to the conference. My personal dissertation session went terribly as the powerpoint wouldn't work, but the co-teaching session went well. My discussant gig was good but hard as the one I was reviewing was from an Ivy league school and her paper was yucky. Yes, that is the technical, high-brow word. The sessions, other than mine, for the most part were good. I love hearing about studies looking at motivation and emotions and their impact on learning and this is the only conference for that! The sessions that bug me are those about ELL (English Language Learners). I went to a couple and it seems they just talk and talk about what is wrong and how marginalizing school, testing, and life is for these special multilingual folk. I get it, but now what? I was actually in a discussion in which a professor from the University of Cincinnati said the only way to combat the ignorance is a revolution like happened with African Americans. All I wanted to do was remind her that segregation is still as rampant as it was in the 1960's during Brown v. Board of Education. African Americans don't have it good, better, perhaps, but not good. Test scores can be predicted by zip code calls foul ball to me, and I certainly don't think we can wait for a revolution...but alas, researchers like to research. I think I am a teacher at heart, more than a researcher. Almost everyday I think about going back into the classroom, the elementary classroom. Is that a sign?

Jody came down from LA on Wednesday and after sessions, we met up with her and drove to La Jolla. So gorgeous. It was cool and crisp outside and the water WAY to cold for swimming, but simply beautiful. We ate at an amazing restaurant overlooking the cliffs. I laughed and chatted incessantly with Jackie and Jody. Back to the hotel for drinking and TV, then out to a bar. The next day, we blew off morning sessions and went to Balboa Park. So serene, museum filled, and fun. Jody left us there and headed back to LA for work. We then went to the zoo, which from here on out I boycott. I know, I know, add it to my list. I had remembered this zoo as the prettiest one I had been to. I know why. The walkways are hilly and covered with flora...so the people get a glorious walk. The animals look miserable and are confined in desert terrain looking cages. Although I loved the Polar Bears and the signs told me they "loved San Diego" and were "used to the warm weather as the tundra also has a hot season," I couldn't help but see the plea in their eyes as they made circles throughout their pen. Nope, done with Wal-Mart, Kentucky Fried Chicken, circuses, and zoos. I am sure PETA gets happier with me as the list grows. We walked from the zoo back to the hotel, straight through Petco Park, where the Padres play. It is a public park and open for everyone during the day. People were there with their dogs and loved ones. I think all stadiums should be that way, especially the big, nice, green ones! It reminded me of season tickets behind the digout for Ranger games with my dad. After our long walk, we went to a session and then dinner at an Indian restaurant with Diane and Patricia Alexander, both of whom I admire. We walked Seaport village after sessions in the morning and ate on the boardwalk with my friend Sunny from Korea. Then sessions, again, and an airplane ride back to Austin. I spent the night at Loretta's and got home this afternoon. Tomorrow will be busy with school work as I have tests to grade, rubrics to write, and final exams to make.

My Feet

I hate my feet. They are all messed up. I try to dress them in fancy, fun, and flirty footwear, but alas, it is like trying to dress a corpse. It might resemble the real thing, but it is still fucked up. Maybe the high heels give attention to the leprosy look? Will my Excema plague ever be in vogue?

When I was a kid, I used to tell my friends that I got "all bitten up by ants." They seemed to accept that better than me having some disease that looked "gross." I never really got teased though, just questioned. One girl, Suzanne told me motheringly, "You should not play in your front yard. I see you out there all the time and the ants must be so bad. Your dad should treat them." My feet, my feet, my feet. My mom used to get mad at me for not taking a shower. I'd run the water, sit on the edge of the tube and sponge off. Why? Because the falling coupled with soap and shampoo falling into the sores was traumatic and painful. And I wasn't a baby, it still hurts!

Now, I hardly feel my feet. They are dead to the world. After a broken foot, dislocated ankle, numerous sprained ankles, and broken toes (not to mention ingrown toenails and toenail loss), one of my feet has an apple sized knot and turns inward at almost a 90 degree angle. My friend Loretta thinks it is "jacked" and "fucked up looking." I'd have to agree. They arent pretty. Yes, I am lucky to have them and in some ways, lucky there isnt much feeling there now. But, when it is ouchy, it is ouchy! My poor feet. It is so sad that I need them so badly, because it is time to let them die. They have suffered enough. But alas, I must slap on some concealer and diamonds, and grab the creams, lubes, and ointments and get in the platforms. The feet will ride again!

"A Raging Staph Infection"

I went to the doctor today because my poor little footies were hurting. Now, when I say hurting, I mean low grade hurt when you just looked at them, cracking, bloody stumps oozing nastiness when you walked. About three weeks ago I went to this dermatologist who was supposed to be the best in the state. Nice guy who convinced me to soak my feet each day, then apply this ointment. He also gave me this medicine that was "helpful in slowing the spread of anthrax sickness." After 2 weeks of doing EXACTLY as he said, my whole body was a rash. I was waking up itching (Remember the basement at Aunt Carolee and Uncle Harvey's house, mom, where you would scream at me in the night to stop itching?).It was horrible. The sores, when I would step down on my feet after a night of "healing," would pucker and bleed. So painful. Not even pretty shoes could dress up these feet. So, today I went to the doctor and she told me that I have a "raging staph infection" that has moved throughout my body (hence the rashes all over). I got a HUGE shot in my ass while there and 4, count them 4 medications to take, 2 creams and a partridge in a pear tree. I elected not to buy the partridge because it wasn't generic. The medicine tastes horrible (I can even taste it with wine!) and the medicine burns my feet like they are on fire, smoldering.

How many times have I seen Bette?

The Divine Miss Millennium, 1999:
Houston, TX (November), 1X
Dallas, TX (November), 1X

Kiss My Brass, 2003:
Dallas, TX (January), 1X
San Jose, CA (February), 1X

Kiss My Brass II, 2004:
Las Angeles, CA (February) 1X
Grand Prairie, TX (November) 1X
San Antonio, TX (November) 1X
Minneapolis, MN (December) 2X

The Showgirl Must Go On, 2009:
Las Vegas, NV (April) 1X
(June/In Planning) 2X

The Showgirl Must Go On

For 90 minutes, Bette Midler raced back and forth across the truly colossal Colosseum stage. Her patterned walk was all but manic, her jokes tart, punching and bawdy. The show had 20 leggy chorines and of course, 3 fabulous Harlettes. As Bette exults however, “The best thing is, not one of them is a French-Canadian circus performer,”referring to the ubiquity of the Cirque du Soleil brand in the city. I had enough of that after one show. I think there are 4 at all times in Las Vegas!

She performed all of her standards — “Do You Want to Dance?,” “From a Distance,” “Hello in There,” "Hero," "Glory of Love," and “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy". I think because the city was once a refuge for the oddballs Ms. Midler’s Delores DeLago character, the wheelchair-riding mermaid with the odoriferous lounge act, was right at home. "Do You Want To Dance" makes me think of a deep connection with someone. The song, to me, is so sexy, long, and passionate. "From A Distance" was marked with deep, heartfelt emotion for which she ended by covering her face, as if God was ashamed. The song always gets me because I too think he is sometimes ashamed. "Hello In There" reminds me of my grandpa whom I love so deeply and am slowly watching become a lost soul. The song reminds me of this fragility. How can people who have had the most wonderful and interesting life experiences be lost. Will the stories ever be lost too? I want everyone to live forever. I wanted to immediately call both my grandparents and say I love them, because I do. "Hero" makes me think of those that have an unending belief in me, who despite any transgressions on my part, continue to think I am wonderful. In turn, I think they are my heroes. I put my arm around Jody during that song and I thought of Diane. Both have been there always, through thick and thin. "The Glory of Love" made me cry because that is Mitzie's song. I've sung it to her for years. As she ages, the song's words, "You've got to give a little, take a little, and let your poor heart break a little..." are all about my little, black aging puppy. The thought of losing her is like losing a child, a 13 year old child. As she gets older, I worry and I fret. Thank God, "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" is just pure joy. No lamenting, no pining, just perfect 40's inspired Big Band, which I love. The jokes, raunchy and wrong, fill the space in between. It was joyous.

So, for me, Bette Midler's The Showgirl Must Go On is my life. It is the epitome of the ways I feel and think, know and love. She sings the words that I want to, with the emotion I feel and with the deep understanding about life. Each song is a jewel and each joke a piece of candy. I already need to go back and laugh and reminisce again. Bette Midler reminds me of who I want to be.

Las Vegas, Baby!

Friday afternoon, we were picked up at the Vegas airport by Jody. After a brief drop off of luggage at the pyramid shaped Luxor (referred to hereon as the Smelltor), we headed to Whole Foods Market to turn in Loretta's recipe in hopes of winning a meet n greet with Ms. Midler herself. They were having a salad contest, best one, wins a meet n greet. After brief pictures at the famous sign, off to walk the Strip. I am still unsure f they call it "The Strip" because it is long and a strip of hotels and casinos or if it because of the sex everywhere. We visited a couple casinos and then bought tickets at the half-price ticket stand for KA. I wanted to see LOVE really bad, but Loretta was in a a drug induced haze and wanted to go back to the Smelltor and Jody had seen it a few weeks earlier. So, KA was Jody's pick and KA it was to be. We hit Bellagio and their indoor botanical garden. My mother would have died to smell the Hyacinth and see the tulips all glowing. At KA, the music was amazing, surround sounds of glorious humming and perfect noting. The stage moved on hydraulics and at one point, lifted vertical and tons of sand poured into the pit. So cool. Jody and I then headed to the PURE nightclub where Perez Hilton was supposedly having a party. It was "list only" but after much ado, we did get in. Pulling Jody past where you pay (without paying), we hit the biggest wall of people and the loudest, ear shattering music I have ever heard. Pure my ass. No one could move. People were everywhere. Pushing and shoving to move anywhere was key. We basically made a forced circled around the joint and left. It was horrible. After the ordeal, Jody and I each had a cocktail (white russian and a vodka tonic) in Caesar's Palace (to the tune of 31$). By the time we got home it was about 4am. At 9 Loretta rose as did I. Coffee and apples for breakfast and then we headed out again. This time to see Loretta's pick, Popovich Theatre. Oh yes, we saw the cat, dog, scary clown, and bad magic spectacular. Loretta loved it. There were cats pushing baby carriages, and dogs sitting in desks like in school. Cats taking cues and direction. I must admit it was nuts! I needed a huge margarita just to get through the bad dancing, magic and clowns. The animals were cute and fun. After heading back to the Smelltor and primping, Bette was on for Saturday night. That because it was my favorite (of course!) and because it was the best show ever, it will be in another post. At 9:45 the show was over and Jody and I perused the Bette Store as we waited for Loretta to pick us up. WE met her across the street from Caesar's at the only place with a curb. It just happened to be in front of a mass of sick men attempting to had out naked pictures of the women they were prostituting to "be in your bed in 2 minutes or less." It was a park of a Cambodian slave trade, I swear. Gross. Hoping in the car as if we were celebrities, we went downtown on a self-made neon light tour. Awesome lights like the cowboy shone everywhere. Wedding chapels lined the streets for 24 hour wedding needs. You can get your dress, flowers, music, the room for the honeymoon and the pastor for 100.00. We tried to go to get a $6.99 steak at this totally old-school casino that wreaked of smoke and sex, but the wait was 25 minutes and we gave up, instead eating pizza. The hotels/casinos all smell of smoke. It is gross. I need to wash everything I brought, including the suitcase! Home by 1am, we celebrated Jody's birthday with cupcakes and I hit the lumpy, smelly bed. By 6am, Jody was up and headed back to LA for work by noon. Loretta and I slept a little more, got showered, and headed out to get Bette goodies at the Bette Store in Caesar's, see the Bellagio Warhol exhibit (Loretta ended up not going to the actual exhibit, but I did!)and the fountains, and the LOVE bar at the Mirage. After the walk back to the Luxor, it was time to leave. A cab ride and then a flight that got in at 1, and I was at home with the doggies. Stay tuned for the Bette Show posting!

I'm a head in a blankey, I'm a head...

I head to Las Vegas tomorrow and am excited to see the lights, hear the clinking of the coins, and most of all, see the Divine. Totally cool. Now, I haven't packed and haven't gotten everything together. I certainly don't take after my mom. She lays her suitcase out for a week. In fact, I think my grandma does too! It skipped a generation I think. I return in the dead of night like 1:30am! Since no one loves me enough to pick me up that late/early, I will will be driving my own car. The Harlettes, Bette Midler's backup troupe of singers and dancers are having a contest at Whole Foods in Vegas. The person with the best salad recipe gets tickets and a meet and greet. What are my chances? Are the stars collaborating to say, go, try, you are already in town the Saturday they are doing it. You have a good friend who is a cook...figure it out! So, off I go.

Driving car: $30
Doggie Sitting: $45
Staying at the Luxor: $100
Having a damn good time in Vegas: Priceless

I have promised my mother for weeks that I would show the curtains Diane and I made (okay, mostly Diane) for the new house. They are great. I should give a shout out to my buddy Sherry who had the fabric we added to lengthen the curtains. Aren't they awesome? Also, for mom, the bedding. Oh yes, and the new couch too.