Bye, Bye 2010, Hello 2011!

It is officially the new year, 2011, and the first one since 1996 without my Mitzie Mouse. It has been a year of loses and hurt. Mitzie ended her time with me, a tumor was removed from my head and replaced with staples and pain, my best colleague Jackie left for Japan with no help for the 7 classes I was left teaching, nor research we were to be conducting. Then there was the loss of my house and the move to an apartment and the loss of my illusion that my job would get better. I even lost faith in a best frined who Ive known practically my whole life. It's been a hard year, a tough 2010, one for which I wish I could have some more time in so as to hug my Mouser, but am glad to see leave. So as to insure a better 2011, I will be eating black-eyed peas and writing my resolutions, but I will just have to end it if it is worse than this year.

A Conflicted Christmas

I feel so conflicted this Christmas. After one of the most difficult semester's on record (my best work colleague and travel buddy Jackie quit and moved away leaving me with 7 classes to teach and no best friend, a giant spreading, deep tumor rmoved from my head, and my sweet Mitzie's death), I need a break. But, all I really want to do is sit at home. Before both catastrophic events, a trip to Disney had been planned. Much money has been poured in and effort has been made. BUT, it was before my angst, my depression the reprieve, and before students made me insane. While Eric is going, and I am happy about that, I feel at a loss without my Mitzie and confused about the angst with Jackie (since her family is going too). While several have told me to go, that I need the vacation, I feel lost, quiet, and mostly want to just sit. Im worried about the bustle of Eric and Jackie's family and I am stressed about Eric and his money. I need to let go, not try to control it and do what I feel like doing, I know. Still, I am stressed about a vacation and I miss Mitzie.

The Love of My Life

My Mitzie Mouse was my best and most precious friend and now, as I sit with her ashes, I can't fathom a life without her big googley brown eyes, her under-bite smile, or her loyalty and love. She was my baby girl for whom I would have moved the world and in the last bit of her life, I must admit I tried.

As I traversed this life of mine, her little paw-paws followed right along on my time, never questioning or judging. Trips or moves, she diligently and bravely carried on her role: chief inspector and stress reducer, lover, and all-around best dogger. She made my life more loving, patient, and most importantly full.

Mitzie Mouser loved to go to UT and run the halls, ride the elevator, and sit in her bed while I typed prose that would give us a better life. She was dedicated to me and my pursuits. She loved her walks, her Garfield, and her t-shirts. She loved to sit-up and felt special in the car when she "doggie drove." She was loyal to her Aunt Wretta through the end. Mitzie was an ambassador for cats and humans alike, bringing both to realize dogs are lovely. She spoke English and understood affect. She was an emotional creature who reminded me daily of the importance of devotion and of treats.

Im not sure what I believe in terms of Heaven, but I know I long to see her again, to give her lovies.

Mitzie, I am better for having known and loved you. You made my life joyful and better and I thank you. Please find me again and until then know that I will never forget, I will always be thankful, and Zoey, Carmen and I will always have a place in our hearts for you, my angel dog.