The Drama Queen

I think I am, I must be. Today I lost it. For all that I am, I felt dejected, uncared for, dumb, and plain used. It has been leading up to this, boiling and toiling, until yesterday the anger and today the tears. Luckily, the tears were among only a couple friends and not at work. Where to start?

This summer I worked full time, teaching everything they let me get my teach on. My break consisted of one week at the very beginning when I went to Sonoma, CA and broke my foot (Cirque du Soliel tryouts). Then I taught and taught and taught. Then one more week off for which I spent the entire time in Dallas helping my grandparents. Then, school started and as of the Sunday before school on Monday, I didnt know what I was teaching. Now, some of it was perhaps my fault. However, it was circumstantial mostly. For example, I had been working all semester on a project named PDAI (Professional Development Academy Internship) which included an assessment class which met at the school and paired our student teachers with kiddos for tutoring. I got the school, the principal, the books, the supplies, the syllabus...but the students kept coming. Our college is in the midst of a growth spurt which is lovely. I do love the new faces and want us to grow and prosper. But the classes grew over 30 which made it impossible to fit everyone in-that meant 60 people in a little ole library! So, I said I didnt and couldnt teach it out int he field. My department head told me, "Then you don't have to teach it," and promptly gave the classes to my friend (whom I called to help us , as we have many students and not enough faculty. Now, when she was given the class, she was told she didnt have to teach it out in the field. How fair is that? Then there was this research class for which I taught the first half in the summer. So, naturally I was signed up for the second half this fall. And the class grew and grew. Now that class is a master's class and the class in which the students begin writing their thesis. With too many, it is impossible for me to edit and advise them all. So, I went to my chair who said if I took the class I would be in charge of them all. I refused. So, he gave it to another faculty member who was told he did not have to advise them all. Not fair. Then, there was the issue of a foundations class which had grown to 62 people. 62! Because he had split classes for two of my colleagues and they were given the opportunity to then teach both sections (making only one prep and half the class time as they only came either T or THURS), I asked to have the same done. HE refused saying he could find someone else to teach the other half because it was a foundations class. So screwed over three times and not in a good screw kinda way! So, yesterday was the breaking point. The chair came in and told our department that no one was going to be able to get their overload. There were 3 people (including him) getting it as we had all agreed to teach an additional class for 3,000$. He told us we could teach it but wouldnt get paid. What the hell is that? So, of course, I said no. Now today I went to my writing meeting and found out that only myself and the other faculty member werent allowed to and himself and his right hand woman were allowed to. What the fuck is that? I had a baby tantrum in front of my writing group friends. Tears, snot, anger...I was fed up-even the 10000 calorie, fresh-baked roll covered in real frosting didn't help. Now, hours later, Im over it-still wondering if I made a mistake coming here to work-but over the issue. The department chair did try and make it better by offering me another choice. He tried.

Now, I am sitting in the office with two pups-one newly infertile and sleeping away on an ottoman, cuddled in a baby blanket and one in her bed, round like a rump roast, snoring to some weird phenobarbitol induced dream. I think I have inherited my mother's sickness. I call it dogitis. It is when you see a dog, you fall in love and can't stop yourself. I'm in love I think...I'm going to be the old lady who lived in a shoe, who had so many animals she didn't know what to do. I hope it is a bright colored platform.

I teach all flipping day tomorrow-hours with NO break so I must head to bed for a low key computer episode of Kathy Griffin's Life on the D-List.