Good friends were here and there, but grandma wasnt. I noticed. I really, really noticed. Ally, Jason, Ace, Sylvie and Athen were sweet and Leia, Brian, Nessa, Aiddean, and Brandon were so welcoming and fun. Loretta was understanding and loving. It was fine, but well, I missed my grandparents. I missed waking up and calling them to drive over to my parents house. Then my brother and dad would fight and I would get my feelings hurt and we would all eat breakfast. Tradition died this Christmas, with the choice of me not to go to Dallas and for Dallas to move on without me there. New traditions for everyone, I guess.
But now, after visiting Dallas for the last couple days and going to grandma's house yesterday, I get it, she is gone. Forever. And today, when I got in the car (which was packed with things from her house) to drive back to my home in San Antonio, the whole car smelled of her, of her life. I miss her. I miss her, I miss her!
Willow, grandma's dog, told a friend of Loretta that she was happy because grandma and grandpa were with her all the time now. Willow has been living with myself and Loretta since early June, way before grandma's death. I wish I could feel that way too. I know she is with me, but I need her on Earth with me. Oh, to understand how energy works in the world of a dog or an enlightened person.
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