There seems to be something in the human soul that causes us to think less of ourselves every time we do something wrong. It may be the result of parents who expectedntoo much of us, or teachers who took for granted what we did right and paid attention to the things we did wrong, detailing our issues in red pen. And maybe it is good for us to feel that way. It may make us more sensitive to what we do wrong and move us to repent and grow. But it may also lead us to our setting unrealistically high standards for ourselves and others.
I believe much of the unhappiness people feel burdened witth, much of the guilt, much of the sense of being cheated by life, stems from one of tow related causes: a parent, a teacher, someone important, gave them the message that they were not good enough, and they believed it. It is in our notion that we could expect perfection of ourselves (because others did) and in that, others could be expected to be perfect too. Such acts leaves us feeling constantly guilty and perpetually disappointed.
I can remember so many occasions from my growing-up years and my life as an adult, occasions of shame, feeling I had disappointed people who were judging me and fallen short of what I wanted to be. What is remarkable is not that that happened, but that decades later, I still remember them and the longer I think of them, they still have the power to hurt. Why? Memories are powerful.
And thus, I need to learn to forgive. Forgive myself. Forgive others. For when we forgive, we come to see what someone did to us is not the result of malice or dismissal of our feelings, but as a result of human weakness, impatience, and imperfection. I must choose happiness over righteousness and to remember not to be jealous. There is enough love to go around.
"guilt is the product of an individual conscious, shame is the product of a community," said Dr. Herald Krusner.
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