Kathy and Jesus

You probably remember the flap last September when Kathy Griffin won an Emmy for her cable-TV reality show, Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. The award was presented at the Creative Arts Emmy awards. The program was taped and scheduled for broadcast the following week on the E! cable network. She pissed off a lot of people with her acceptance speech which went as follows:


"Now, a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn’t help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Milan would be up here with that damn dog. So all I can say is suck it, Jesus, this award is my god now!"

This caused enough of a stink that E! was forced to cut her acceptance speech out of the broadcast. Through some iron reasoning I think I can explain why Kathy Griffin is wrong and Jesus is actually to thank for her award:

And here’s the reasoning:

Jesus died on a cross 2,000 years ago. His dying words were, “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.” He died and they buried him in a rock cut tomb. Three days later, as the Bible says, he rose from the dead. That day is what we Christians celebrate as Easter.

After the resurrection, Christianity began to take off like wildfire, spreading from the Middle East northward to Europe and westward into Ethiopia. Everyone seemed to like the story of the Zombie God. In 300 A.D. Emperor Constantine accepted Christianity and it became the religion of Europe wherein Rome took charge and became the epitome of Godliness, believing that the Zombie God had a profound understanding of people and in particular, that they don't know what the hell they are doing. In celebration of the rising of the wise Zombie God whose incredible thoughts such as, but not limited to, "They know not what they do," and "Yo soy Jesus," was celebrated with bunnies of chocolate to commemorate his favorite animal.

Well then. I hope that ‘shows‘ you. Some guy who may or may not have existed, was or was not executed on a cross (Muslims disagree with that one), and said one thing or another (depending on the gospel), and may or may not have been put behind a rock, then became a Zombie. A dead Roman thought highly of the Zombie Christ, but then things sucked, and Kathy Griffin beat the Dog Whisperer and so there you are. D’uh - Hello people, it’s crystal clear! The eating of chocolate bunnies in celebration of the Zombie God allowed the birth of joyful noises like the Emmy Awards therefore begetting Kathy Griffin. How Can’t you see it? She definitely owes a lot to Jesus...we all do.

The heathen is off to bed.