Sleeping

My bed and my sleeping pills are driving me nuts. My bed hurts my back. The taco spot is directly in the middle and where some tacos (okay, most tacos) are yummy, this one sucks. The sleeping pills the doctor gave me to help me sleep, do just that: they help me sleep. Now, without them, I am awake and it is 4am. Ive been "in bed" since 12 tossing and turning, waking, getting an ice pack, taking Tylenol, taking a coveted back-spasm pill,moving the dog to the floor, moving the cat to the floor, pacing, getting an ice cream sandwich, and now, blogging. I am about to buy a fucking temperpedic, $2,0000 bed and say, "The hell with it." Maybe playing "hunt for the best price online" will make me feel better. Now I am laying in bed with like 5 pillows propping me up. Maybe I'll be a zombie for Halloween.

Enough bitching-no, wait, one more thing. My face broke out on Thursday and I have giant, red zits exploding from my chin, forehead, and under my nose. To top off the pain and sorrow from that, they are the "pop and re-pop kind." Poor me.

On a more pleasant note, and mow that I got all the bitching out, I went to California this weekend. Yes, I jetted to LA for 48 hours. It felt like deja vu when I hit the Austin airport. For my birthday (which is Thursday) Diane gave me a companion pass to fly with her when she went to LA. Double fun. I got to see Jody AND I got to sit talk with Diane for 3 hours each way. I miss them both. So, I drove to Austin on Friday morning and the crack of dawn and dropped the mutts off at Aunt Wretta's. Diane picked me up and we hurriedly parked her purple car in the $7 lot and caught the parking lot bus to the departures. It was one of those, "Hurry, the bus is leaving and we are late" moments, only to arrive at the bus and it is on break. You know the kind. I graded horrible edpsych papers the whole way and Diane did crosswords. Once we got there, Diane rented a car to go to her sister's in Santa Monica, I hitched along and Jod met us there as we arrived-literally. As Diane and I pulled up to her little sister Josie,s, Jody was there with her ever attached GPS. Leaving Diane, we went to Venice beach to eat and walk the boardwalk. 2 hours of talking about everything from politics to her baby tooth, we walked the lively beach, never really getting in the sand and instead settling for noticing the people and the beach homes. I love architecture. That night I had a horrible stomachache from the mass amounts of food we ate and lunch and Jody had been up since 4:45 so we made like old people and splayed out watching her 37'' television. On Saturday, we went to an Italian street fair where we sampled pizza and ravioli, pesto and gelato. We even saw the pope carved from wood. Is it wrong to call the Pope Woody? After walking Hollywood Blvd. and Jody internally thinking the car was stolen, we headed to Melrose Ave where neither of us bought a damn thing. You know I still wasnt totally feeling well as one of the shoe places offered us 50% off and I still coulndt find a damn thing that I wanted-and they were nice shoes. No Fluevog-no nuttin. Trader Joes (which we need in Austin so badly) and wine, and cheese and great chatting, we ended the evening with the first season of Dexter. Well, I did. Jody fell asleep after one episode and I watched close to 4. HE is so cute! How can a murderer be so damn cute? I was on the floor at this point because that is when my back began the spasm. In the morning we went to my favorite coffee shop, Aroma Cafe, in Studio City to meet Diane. It was a Sunday so the masses were out with their puppies and the weather was perfect. I was jealous that Jody was going to stay and work some after Diane and I left. Left we did. I graded, she crossworded. Season premiere of Dexter at Loretta's upon my return and the most yummy meatloaf made at my request. Who would have ever thought that meatloaf would become a favorite meal? Meat and Loaf together in one brilliant pan...I could almost puke thinking about the raw meat...and then, the image switches to the taste. Delicious. Loretta is the bomb-bigity cook. I drove to San Antonio at 10. The end.

"I work my a&^ off, Jeff!"

Work: Found out today that we have a new, revised, budget for travel-for the jet-setting conferences that they want us doing. $2000. Now, I am not saying that is something to shun, but it is a problem when they tell us today, after we have worked our asses off to get the proposals in, to do reviews, and to be accepted. It's too late. They need to pay for the work we did. I shouldnt have to choose after I was told I could go. It doesnt seem fair.

Home: Last Friday my work threw me a housewarming-actually the new hire (who is lovely and sweet) did most of the work, including buying decorations (it was a Morrocan theme with throw pillows and candles all over). It was a fun time with much alcohol (maybe too much for me) and most everyone from work. Come 5, I was worried because no one was here. Then, everyone in a little house-with much food. I think the party ended at 11, and I was left to clean up crock pot cheese in the morning. I cant wait to have my favorites back!

I head to LA to visit my best buddy Jody Friday, just for the weekend. Now, I must take Zoey to the park. Hope she doesnt eat a duck!

Mitzie Mouse Tells It From Jail

So, for those of you that "got in," through the metal detectors and around the bend. My blog had to go incognito as my chair found it, read it, and made a joke about it! So, it is all ephemeral now. Like real life, you see me and then you dont.

As for work, classes are crazy and for some reason this semester, I am funny. I cant seem to stop making jokes as examples! It is weird. I am beginning to balance but it will again increase on Monday when I have to add in the field based portions.

On the home front, it is animal central. Mitzie is mad most of the time, upset, and walks around with her head down. She bites at Zoey if she gets too close. Zoey is non-stop energy. I walk her 2 miles in the morning and ride my bike while she runs for another 2 in the evening. Still, she is hyper. Woosh. On Thursday she goes to doggie daycare, has a special young girl hired to drive her home, feed both, walk both, before I come home at 10:30. Should I let her go another day?

People from work put together a house warming for me on Friday. Im nervous. As I have been dealing with all this depression, I am more interested in being alone. I like to walk the animals and think, zone with the TV, work around the house on little tasks...I dont want to have to be "me." Im not sure who she is but I have to play her.

How can you stay mad?

I'm scared, are you?

What does matter about Palin? What it tells you about McCain.

Here I’m echoing an emerging consensus, but I think it’s basically right on. First, there are reports appearing now that McCain himself, as well as Lindsay Graham, had been pushing for either Ridge or Lieberman as the running mate, but they were daunted by opposition from anti-abortion Republicans to either choice. If this is true, this tells you that McCain isn’t going to be able to govern as a “maverick” or independent. He’s the nominee, it’s his campaign to run, but he doesn’t feel able to do what he wants.

Second, look at what he does when he’s up against difficulty or opposition: he does something which is wildly impulsive, with almost no planning or forethought. The one thing you could say about the invasion of Iraq is that there was a lot of planning that went into the intention to invade: the evidence now suggests that the Bush Administration came into power with a possible attack on Iraq at the top of their wish list, well before 9/11, and were quick to execute that plan when the opportunity arose. In the current global and domestic situation, I really don’t want someone in the Oval Office who comes up against a difficult and confusing situation and says, “Fuck it, go drop some paratroopers over there. No, I don’t want to do scenarios and planning, I just want to do it. Go.”

The more details about Palin that come out, the more it becomes clear that she is an appalling choice to be a vice-president for a President who has a reasonable chance of becoming ill or dying in office. And the more it becomes clear that the McCain campaign scarcely bothered to vet or review her as a choice. This is another reason why politically no one should talk about her family or personal choices, because there are plenty of other issues. But chiefly, it all comes back to McCain himself, and what this says about the kind of decision-maker he would be as President.Oh yes, and let's make a pregnancy pact and not tell anyone the outcome for 7 months. Whose in?

Who is this person?

called ME. I think I have multiple personality disorder. I am Jen to friends when they are happy with me and Jenny when they are trying to be more formal. I am Dr. Wilson when I am rebelling, talking my heart out, teaching those out there to think and act; I'm Jenny Wilson when I am not seen, ubiquitous, and common. I am Mom to a variety of deities. I am someone that I don't recognize sometimes, a person with traits I've never seen, and a person with talent and skill I've never experienced. I am someone with good fashion sense and someone with the worst weekend-wear coined. I am a daughter who is bored by the complacency and whose family lives Norman Rockwallian cerebrally. I am a sister who loves her brother, hopes for his success beyond belief, but is scared for the lives of all of us involved. I am a best friend, to whom I don't know, but to someone. I am a grand-daughter who washes the feet of her grandpa and takes her grandma to drink a margarita, in a most dedicated and holy way, wishing they could live forever and ever, amen.

Wow-that is deep. Maybe this blog should just have daily activities...oh, then it would be: slept, walked dogs, ate, worked, ate, walked dogs, slept, walked dogs, ate, worked, ate, walked dogs...you get the idea.

Fist-In the Desk

One of the most embarassing moments ever-

The Shit Tornado

So, I just got home from a 12 hour work day and the house was full of the heavy aroma of shit. Little Zoey Scooter was left in my bedroom, door shut but able to roam inside freely. Why was she free? Because I felt bad about having her in her little kennel for 12 hours. So, I left her out. When I came home, Mouser was happy and jumpy and excited. She seemed her old self (no pun intended) until I asked her if she wanted to go get Zoey. She looked at me like, "No, not really." Opening the door, there was Zoey, tangled in my bra (which was hanging on the door nob). She had it hooked on her all day and proceeded to shit and walk in it all day, back and forth. It was a shit tornado. She had to have a bath it was so bad. I think I am done. Mitz is upset, Carmencita is ready to pack and move out, and I am tired. I think she is going to go stay a bit with Aunt Loretta and see if she can help us. Otherwise, I think I will have to let her go. I think I will cry if I have to. Is sending her to Aunt Wretta like sending an unruly child to her dad?

Work is busy-too busy. Im overwhelmed and trying hard and I am afraid by the time I get to my 17pm-10pm class, my neurons aren't firing and I am mush. I didn do a very good job tonight, even though I was ready, had read, and planned.

Lastly, I am adding some pictures of the dog and my house...There you go Mom!

I worked hard all weekend until I just had to say stop. Only a couple things got done, but it was the best I could do. Everything seems to take longer than I thought. Even this case of the hiccups is resisting my plea to finish already. I did the strands for the National Drop Out Committee, Read Anita's thesis, read some for the assessment class. I didnt work out but I didnt watch TV either. I worked and the list should be longer, I must find time to write for me. Where is that time? I think I need to make my life busier. I was so productive when I was busy to the max. Is that what I need? I think I am going to volunteer at the SNIPSA place or the humane society or something.

Tomorrow I will load up Mouse and Zoey and head to Austin, returning with just one dog. I feel the tears and lonesomeness coming. Ive definitely caught my mom's disease. Carmencita the cat is the only one who is fine with Zoey going. Blow the foghorn!

Chapter 2 of the woman who lived in a shoe.

There is no room for me on my bed. Maybe I should get a mule and ride to another inn. The bed is FULL of animals...2 dogs, a cat, and a fat human. I think I will have to sleep criss-cross-apple-sauce!

Work today was good. I taught ALL day, but seemed to make them laugh and yet follow the lecture well. I like it when I am prepared for class; things just go better. Duh. Isn't it what I teach?

The Drama Queen

I think I am, I must be. Today I lost it. For all that I am, I felt dejected, uncared for, dumb, and plain used. It has been leading up to this, boiling and toiling, until yesterday the anger and today the tears. Luckily, the tears were among only a couple friends and not at work. Where to start?

This summer I worked full time, teaching everything they let me get my teach on. My break consisted of one week at the very beginning when I went to Sonoma, CA and broke my foot (Cirque du Soliel tryouts). Then I taught and taught and taught. Then one more week off for which I spent the entire time in Dallas helping my grandparents. Then, school started and as of the Sunday before school on Monday, I didnt know what I was teaching. Now, some of it was perhaps my fault. However, it was circumstantial mostly. For example, I had been working all semester on a project named PDAI (Professional Development Academy Internship) which included an assessment class which met at the school and paired our student teachers with kiddos for tutoring. I got the school, the principal, the books, the supplies, the syllabus...but the students kept coming. Our college is in the midst of a growth spurt which is lovely. I do love the new faces and want us to grow and prosper. But the classes grew over 30 which made it impossible to fit everyone in-that meant 60 people in a little ole library! So, I said I didnt and couldnt teach it out int he field. My department head told me, "Then you don't have to teach it," and promptly gave the classes to my friend (whom I called to help us , as we have many students and not enough faculty. Now, when she was given the class, she was told she didnt have to teach it out in the field. How fair is that? Then there was this research class for which I taught the first half in the summer. So, naturally I was signed up for the second half this fall. And the class grew and grew. Now that class is a master's class and the class in which the students begin writing their thesis. With too many, it is impossible for me to edit and advise them all. So, I went to my chair who said if I took the class I would be in charge of them all. I refused. So, he gave it to another faculty member who was told he did not have to advise them all. Not fair. Then, there was the issue of a foundations class which had grown to 62 people. 62! Because he had split classes for two of my colleagues and they were given the opportunity to then teach both sections (making only one prep and half the class time as they only came either T or THURS), I asked to have the same done. HE refused saying he could find someone else to teach the other half because it was a foundations class. So screwed over three times and not in a good screw kinda way! So, yesterday was the breaking point. The chair came in and told our department that no one was going to be able to get their overload. There were 3 people (including him) getting it as we had all agreed to teach an additional class for 3,000$. He told us we could teach it but wouldnt get paid. What the hell is that? So, of course, I said no. Now today I went to my writing meeting and found out that only myself and the other faculty member werent allowed to and himself and his right hand woman were allowed to. What the fuck is that? I had a baby tantrum in front of my writing group friends. Tears, snot, anger...I was fed up-even the 10000 calorie, fresh-baked roll covered in real frosting didn't help. Now, hours later, Im over it-still wondering if I made a mistake coming here to work-but over the issue. The department chair did try and make it better by offering me another choice. He tried.

Now, I am sitting in the office with two pups-one newly infertile and sleeping away on an ottoman, cuddled in a baby blanket and one in her bed, round like a rump roast, snoring to some weird phenobarbitol induced dream. I think I have inherited my mother's sickness. I call it dogitis. It is when you see a dog, you fall in love and can't stop yourself. I'm in love I think...I'm going to be the old lady who lived in a shoe, who had so many animals she didn't know what to do. I hope it is a bright colored platform.

I teach all flipping day tomorrow-hours with NO break so I must head to bed for a low key computer episode of Kathy Griffin's Life on the D-List.

The vortex of want and need

This past Friday my dear friend Loretta came to visit me in SA. It was nice to have her hear and I was excited to see her. As always there were plans of shopping and food. Those were shot to shit when on our way to eat a fabulous sushi dinner, a little stray poodle was hunkered down by a stoplight, trying to cross the street right next to the highway. I looked at Loretta, she looked at me. Yeah-you got it. We stopped, got the dog (who stunk so bad our eyes were watering) and proceeded to find a clinic that could tell us if she was microchiped. One guess. Nope. I hate the way that San Antonio thinks dogs are trash, that they can just let them loose if they are sick. This little girl, hereby called Zoey, was heartworm negative but had tapeworms. My favorite part was the look on Loretta's face when she realized the butt of the dog (which they were leaking out of) had been on her lap for over an hour! After a bath for the flea infestation, de-worming, and a notice that she wasn't spayed, she came home with us. In all, we were dealing with this mutt from about 5:30-11pm. That was the 210$ night. The next morning, calls to the SPCA, Humane Society and plentiful rescue groups. I want to lodge a complaint about that! All of the recuse groups said they get their dogs from the pound and wouldn't take one from me. The SPCA Humane Society places were "full." Yeah, you heard me, they wouldn't take her and told me to take her to the pound. Now, she is getting spayed on Wednesday and is being crate trained, housebroken, bathed daily, frontlined, walked, and cleaned up after until she can find a home. So, in all, the frontline is 15$, the first visit was 210$, the crate and bed was 75$, the spay is 70 for a grand total of $380, not including time. But of course, saving a dog? PRICELESS.

My House

First Day of School

Again. I am wondering as I write this how many "first days" I have endured. I mean really...K-12 all had one first day. The freshman-senior had 4X2 semesters which is 8, then teaching school was 3 times, then MEd was 2x2=4, then PhD was 4x2=8...so 36 in total, plus this last year of 4, and yesterday. That is a butt load, also known as 41. I have had 41 first days of school. Well, needless to say they don't keep me up and excited anymore. Weird though as each is different. So, yesterday was my 41st first day of school. I am teaching 4 courses (Foundations of Reading, Diagnosis and Remediation of Reading Difficulties, Cognitive and Developmental Psychology for Elementary Teachers, and Ditto for secondary teachers). That is also know as a lot of classes. I teach three of those on Thursday. So yesterday I taught from 2-3:30, 4-6:45, and 7-10. I was a tired person by the end. I was so exhausted I succumbed to Burger King for dinner and it tasted delicious.



Ive decided I am addicted to Diet Vanilla Cokes from Sonic. I mean, I crave them...the little ices, the sweet vanilla mixed with the cancer causing diet coke. Ummm. It is an expensive habit though unless you go between 2-4 for half price which I cant because I am working. $1.83 a day. I think that is why I am having to work an extra class this semester.

My brother, who moved to Houston a couple months ago, told me something shocking yesterday. He calls daily to check in which I love. He isnt drinking anymore, which I also love, so he uses the phone to get the support he needs. Anyway, he told me that he was "not going to hook up his cable because he gets a lot more done without the TV." What the hell? Okay, this is a guy who had all the extras when in Dallas. He has a 60 inch flat screen and TIVO and everything. He used to tease me incessantly about me not having cable. Now, I do and he is not getting it! The world is a crazy place. I think those in Hell are enjoying the cold front.

I've taken on curling my hair which is pretty. Wonder how long it will last. It is so long and looks cute when it is done (if the rain would stay at bay the frizzies would too!). I even like it on day two in a pony tail. It balances my Dumbo ears.

Could the rambling go on more?
So, I am working hard and missing people but don't feel like I want to sit and talk for hours on the phone. I think it is all the talking I have done in school so far. So, ciao.

Jen