And this is real life.

Today is Wednesday (my personal favorite workday of the week). My best and most adamant admirer Diane came down yesterday and lightened my day with dinner and a slumber party. Normally an early to bed girl, she stayed up, did a crossword with me, and watched TV. When no one else can make me smile-she can. She left this morning at 7 so as to make it to work. I tried to stay up, to do a couple little things but fell asleep on the couch sometime around 8:30. So, here we go, beginning the day.

It is writing day. Now, that usually doesn't guarantee writing occurs for me, but that it is supposed to. I am in my office at home now, dog on the right, cat well, on the desk hovering and meowing, and am ready to begin. Yes, it is 11:00 am. Thanks for reminding me. Today, the days holds several things. 1) I must meet with two of my Master's students. They are coming to my house to talk about their thesis'. Anita is interested in neuroscience and its implications for classroom environments and Malori is working on the impact of low SES on minority aspirations. Then, I am going to get my 4304 class ready for tomorrow. Then, work on the co-teaching AERA proposal, then get my Content Area Literacy class ready for tomorrow which includes some grading. Before bed, I MUST work for at least an hour on my book club article.

Accept if space allows

It is 10:40pm and I am watching “Chalk,” and wondering if I miss being a classroom teacher (or if it just sounds better than my current occupation), and if so, how I can infuse my college teaching with the things I miss from classroom teaching. I need to take some time to brainstorm about what those “things” are.
1. Activities that are fun and promote critical thinking
2. Relationship building with the kids
3. Laughter
4. Recess
5. Teaching the students something they answer, “Wow!” or “Woah!” to.
6. When they know you, hug you, and want to be near you.

In response to:
1. In order to have #1 occur, I need to make time to plan for my college teaching. Each class, when planned well should take about 2 hours to plan. That’s 8 hours. Plan for that time too.
2. In order to build relationships with the students, I need to a) have them over to my house to build community; b) advise; c) meet students for margaritas or dinner; d) spend more time in my office so as to be around.
3. I think I have this now. My students tell me that they think my class goes fast and that I am funny. Still, for me, I must stop letting my subconscious get to me.
4. Give myself a break (like I give the students).
5. PLAN better.
6. See #2.

So, what is doable for me? I don’t know. Right now, nothing feels doable other than watching “Deadliest Catch,” my current TV vice with my best buddy. Even the Baltic Sea sounds better than being a professor lately.

Revise and resubmit

One of my best friends, JackAttack's Mom , does such a nice job on her blog of talking and thinking about her data and work as a beginning scholar. I am revising and resubmitting my intent on this blog to include my thoughts and actions towards my research, towards my burgeoning life as a scholar (trying not to snicker at the word: scholar). So today, I am in Austin, my lovely city, and writing with ye ole friend mentioned above and attempting to recommit myself to my own thoughts and ideas. I still have them, I think. Okay, enough of this for now. I am going to go read some new stuff on BookClub and update the literature review for an article that was rejected a couple years ago.

A Crow Bar

created insecurity for me. Yesterday, after working out I came home to my back door being jammed open. Inside, I found nothing missing but felt a bit like I was making it up, that the door was broken before (It had been hard to close). Getting ready this morning I went to put my earrings on and noticed the jewelery box with all my most treasured rings (including my class ring) was gone as was my digital camera. That was it. They took very little...but my belief in humanity feels threatened. Locks and bolts do not make me feel better. I feel like my sense of self is falling apart. Now I need a Doberman. Where is Ringo when you need him?

Deja Vu'

I spent a year sitting at coffee shops around Austin writing, proposals and then a book. I have decided to call it a book and not a dissertation. I mean, it is a book-it was published, has 300 pages, and illustrations. So, here I am again, sitting at a coffee shop, this time in San Antonio. I hadn't realized that part of being a college professor was coffee shops. In order (at this point) to get work done, I have to be here, sipping a coffee, and working. Is it my reinforced imagination or a socially situated activity or is it me? Anyway, I worked on an AERA proposal this weekend and it is ready to rock and roll (not that it took much as it was rejected last year because of a wrong SIG choice). I am on the BookClub article for the rest of today. I have got to update the literature.

As for the home front: I weave the streets of San Antonio and see all the families with children and their respective sombreros and I still do not feel like I am inspired or proud to be here in SA. It does not give me the same feelings as the DUCK tours in Austin do. I guess it will come. My sprinkler system was completed on Friday but I don't know how to work it. I need to call about that. So many call, so little time!

GOALS

My friend Beth, who is in the throws of her dissertation and therefore a rough time in the world of higher education took her goals public. It sounds so harsh to put them out there like that...but here goes. I pray it helps.

1. Send something off for publishing by August 20.
2. AERA proposal about coteaching
3. ICE proposal on coteaching
4. Identity piece for coteaching
5. Get my grandparents taken care of
6. Work out 5 times a week

Is it bad to wish you were in another country? To wish you were freezing your butt off in a tent in Africa? Scouring the lands for Rhino? I miss vacation.

Ruta Maya 2

Oh yes, I have found the sister coffee shop in San Antonio. It makes me so happy to be in a place that feels like Austin.

So, I just experienced a negative reinforcement and am perhaps overly aware of the results. For 6 or so years I worked at UT, managing grades, students, and schools. This Spring semester at A&M I had a student contest a grade (the creepy one mentioned in the previous blog). He earned a D for which he though he deserved an A. He has been harassing me since. The issue is not that he is contesting the grade. I believe in the power of students (although I have never had one NOT talk to me about it) to make their educational experiences good. However, the negative, hurtful, and questioning nature of his comments and harassment made it such that this semester (SUM I) when I had a student earn a D, I gave him a C. I swore I would not be a part of the grade inflation phenomenon and yet, here I am, a part of it.

At home, my grandparents arent doing good. My grandpa is entering the hard stages of Parkinson's and my grandma has been the primary caregiver. It is hard to see a 90 year old as the nurse to a 93 year old with a feeding tube. It is like being 90 and having a newborn baby. She feeds him every 4 hours, in addition to everything else. The hard part was that last week, when I spoke to her, she sounded so tired. I began the search for help...but it is hard to coordinate from here-to balance my job and the need for me at home. I need to be here, to teach summer school and make some money...but, I need to be at home helping to find some aid for my grandparents. Alas, I sit working...about to call mom about grandpa and grandpa.

The Crazy, Creepy Student

Once upon a time there was a first year professor teaching a Master's class in literacy. One student, sat preaching about God, his correctness, and children's stupidity. During the course, the creepy student, wreaking of marijuana, wearing sunglasses, earned a D. Still believing he deserved an A, he pestered and harassed the professor though emails and threats. Are they empty? Does it make the professor feel better that the police officer (who has known him since he was a kid) says he possibly has a drug abuse problem, or is not taking his prescription meds? NO!

Then there is a student like Catherine, who I know struggled to work through her differences in teaching style and beliefs with me. Who today, after 3 classes, 3 semesters in my courses, said, "Thanks, Dr. Wilson. I leaned a lot. You have done an amazing job." Or there is Ruth, who, clutching her exam, came to me and said, "You know, Dr. Wilson, you have done al of these things I wrote here for a quality teacher...like you modeled, and promoted, and engaged and performed... I just didn't notice because you were modeling them, sort of indirectly...we had to SEE them!"